Dear Future Husband,
When I saw you today, I’m not going to lie. I felt so much anger toward you. That’s not how I imagined I’d feel the next time I saw you. I honestly didn’t think I would see you until ‘the day’. And if I did see you before the day, I figured you’d be with her, of course. I thought I’d be so happy to see you and would have the guts to even go up to you and ask how you were doing and give you a smile. And then today came.
It was so unexpected and was only for a quick moment. I looked up, and there you were. My heart literally dropped to I don’t even know where it went to. My body became shaky. I tried to hustle so I could see you again. I walked outside and thought I lost you. But I kept my eyes & my heart searching. I just wanted to follow after you. Just to follow after who you are. I started walking to my car (so I thought) and finally, there you were. I caught another glimpse of you as you were loading up. I was so thankful that I got to catch that second glimpse of you. And there you were, in all of your beauty. Magnificent beauty at that. I didn’t want to take my eyes off of you. I wanted to say your name, but wanted even more to respect God and His timing. Besides, what would I have even said anyways? I was already at a lost for words. I was at a lost for thoughts as well.
I then realized that I was physically lost in the parking lot and hurried to find my car before you would turn back around to see my crazy self standing in the middle of the lane, completely in love with your everything, looking like I’m not from around here. If you even turned back around, that is. I started to allow the enemy to put so many negative thoughts into my head. I got in my car and immediately started asking God to please show me what the meaning of this moment was for. I hadn’t realize that He just did.
What was God’s reasoning for this encounter? As of today, I’m not quite sure. But I know that I felt so much anger and so many hurt feelings when I first saw you today. Maybe this was our heavenly father’s way of closure on those hurt emotions for me? Because it sure did feel like closure to me.
I Believe He just Healed my Broken Heart.
I started my car and looked over at you. You pulled up a space but you didn’t pull out.
And then you did something: You waited on me.
I was headed to our small group, Bliss, and arrived almost lifeless. Speechless. But full of emotions. I felt my heart do something and so I went to the bathroom to cry. And I couldn’t stop. It just felt so…real. All I could think was that I am a Christian who goes through struggles. Real struggles. We are Christians, but we are still real people. Real people with such real feelings. Real lives with real hearts with real emotions.
I had said to a friend that I just want and need answers from God. That’s all I need. That friend told me what good is it going to do if He just gives us the answers every time. There’d be no need to trust Him. And maybe this encounter was God telling you to keep trusting in what He is doing in your situation.
Because He already has His hand on your life.
Sending you all my love,
Marissa Elaine
{My Journey of Faith}
SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL IN ITS TIME 